She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
