Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
