ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
