Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
