This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i don't like sucking hair
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
