Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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