true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
