I murdered the dance floor call the cops
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
cat food counts as protein by the way
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize