stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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