Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love you. Go after that dick
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
