Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize