Ambien. No doubt about it.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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