You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
