who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
