i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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