you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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