i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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