I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
