you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
