I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
