it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
