hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
