We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
