Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
