Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
