listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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