So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
