Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
