when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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