i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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