im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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