the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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