me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
