Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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