Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Randomize
