no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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