is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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