So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
