eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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