I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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