i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
high people should be assigned attendants
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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