Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
