don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is Oprah even human
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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