Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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