i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
