it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
pop tarts are not kleenex
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
