I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
