its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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