I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
