pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
