i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I still have a little drunk in my system
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
