The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
