That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize