it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
