The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
