thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
