My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
