My brain says no but my pants say off.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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