i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
