God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
