If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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