I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
