I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
