I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they're like a gay fantastic four
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We have started to decorate penises.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
