did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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