There was a lot of him and a little penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
a search helicopter?!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
