its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dignity is for republicans.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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