put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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