I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
