:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
