He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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