it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
