Ambien. No doubt about it.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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