Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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