Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
